Geek on Stun

Yum, ouchy

You should read the article "Not So Super Mario" from the Washington Post about Nintendo, and their current place in the console market. It's an interesting read, one that a good number of NOA executives should read and seriously take to heart.

The biggest problem I see with the company's product strategy is their complete inability to embrace the online gaming capabilities of the Gamecube, with only Phantasy Star Online Episode I & II featuring online play. Nintendo seems to continue to think that Game Boy Advance connectivity is the answer, but this has little appeal to many gamers (myself included). To be blunt, I don't have many local game playing friends, and I'd prefer to do my person-to-person gaming via the internet, not the second (or third or fourth) controller port. I also don't have the cash (or interest) to invest in yet another Game Boy Advance.

Nintendo may not "see [online gaming] as a hugely viable business", but it is becoming an expected feature in console titles. If Nintendo means to stay in the console business, they had best slough off the Hiroshi Yamauchi era Nintendo attitude, listen to it's aging fanbase, and catch up with it's more successful competitors.

Sucky Double Gaga

The mainstream media is a comedy gold mine when it tries to cover video games.

The recent furor over last year's Grand Theft Auto: Vice City has led to some seriously funny and often embarassing quotes. Not all quotes have come from the mainstream media, but also from the people they have interviewed or requested comment.

From the New York Newsday article Apology Not Good Enough:

"We have historical value as a nation. What have we done to deserve this type of treatment?" - King Keno, Musician

"We need videos that enhance children's respect for diversity and life." - Marty Markowitz, Brooklyn Borough President

Henry Frank, of the Haitian Centers Council, is then paraphrased as suggesting that "companies make a video on Haiti's history" and noting that "the Western Hemisphere's first black republic will mark 200 years of independence next year". Clearly, the interviewees have no idea what the content or target audience of Vice City is, and most likely are the recipients of second-hand information, having never played or viewed more than a few minutes of the game.

The Palm Beach Post's Elisa Cramer comments in Far too late to make "Nice City" that debating whether the rampant stereotyping and misogyny common in commercial hip-hop is better or worse than the supposed cultural offenses displayed on Rockstar Games Vice City promotional materials is "perhaps as futile as a national carding campaign announced this week by the nation's largest computer and video game retailers". Without evidence, or an insight into the retail groups policies, she implies that the nation's retailers are staffed only by apathetic, uninformed teenagers, who will not enforce any ID restrictions, nor will their managers.

NBC 6 of South Florida chimes in with their error-riddled article Haitian, Cuban Leaders Denounce 'Grand Theft Auto', stating that the game is rated T for Teen (it is rated M for Mature) and that Vice City is the second game in the series (it is the fourth or fifth, depending on how you qualify the expansion discs).

A handful of politicians have also put their two-cents in on the subject.

• "This despicable video game portrays Haitians as ugly criminals and lower forms of human life who must be obliterated once and for all," Rep. Kendrick B. Meek, Florida Democrat
• "This is America. This is not who we are. This is not what we promote" - U.S. Rep. Peter Deutsch, Democrat
• In an effort to thwart "hate crimes" State Rep. Phillip Brutus, wants distribution of the title to be controlled under "federal leadership".

Even more alarmist is Haitian American Grassroots Coalition president Jean-Robert Lafortune who fears that "as long as [the game is] on the market, our community is a sitting duck for extremists to come and have target practice."

This posturing seems like typical cases of "what have you done for me lately" politics. Not surprisingly, the loudest detractors are politicians, who, instead of tackling difficult issues and showing real results, attach themselves to softball causes such as this one, and garner favor with mob mentality interest groups.

Still, as annoyingly embarrassing as the mainstream media can be, it's also funny embarrassing!

The mainstream media still thinks that gamers are across-the-board Mountain Dew chugging, Frito swallowing, spiked haired, pimply faced teens who really just want to plunk down some cash and get together with their buddies for some extreme sports action and some good natured, headset-slappin' trash talkin'! Wooooo!!!

Walt McGraw of CNN thinks we all understand the dollar to "big bag of potato chips" exchange rate, in his fluff piece on cell phone gaming. Citing the "funniest article I've ever read about video games" as his inspiration, he goes on to reveal that sometimes old games just aren't appreciated by today's youth. Who knew? He also gushes about the goofy Sprint PCS game pad attachment for the VGA 1000 phone by Samsung, which, I'm sure, gives the mainstream media a gadget boner, but makes me (the guy spending over $1500 a year on my video game habit) laugh at the sheer uselessness.

Mainstream television executives are also trying to publicly embarass themselves at every turn. Spike TV's recent Video Game Awards is a shining example of focus groups marrying VP's of programming, having mutated children. This Wired news article, TV Execs Go Gaga Over Gaming (not to be confused with this older article), quotes Kevin Kay of Spike TV as saying "The No. 1 answer for how [guys] spent their leisure time was video games. So it seemed like a reasonable thing to get into." With the media coverage regarding declining prime time television viewership among men 18-34, this doesn't seem like the best approach to me. It seems that the content choices are weak, and need to be improved. There are currently no prime time television shows I watch on a weekly or daily basis, because almost none of it is appealing to me. Kevin Kay and his suit friends shouldn't just "get into" video game programming, they should provide a smarter, more appealing alternative.

Let's Discharge

You know what we (that's American consumers) don't get enough of? Homoerotic shooters.

The Japanese have had access to this sort of thing for years. The Chou Aniki series has been running strong for over a decade, and faithful fans of the series can pick the Chou Aniki Seinaru Protein Densetsu (a.k.a. Super Brothers: Legend of the Holy Protein) commemerative t-shirt from Konami Style.

Go ahead: wear your Men's Beam on your chest!

My status bar runneth over

I'm playing Fire Emblem almost every day on the way too and from work (that is, when I don't feel like puking on the shuttle). I'm surprisingly uninterested in it, but will probably see it to completion. While it's rare for me to actually finish a game, I almost never fail to complete GBA games, mostly due to the fact that I have a lot of time to dedicate to portable gaming.

However, unless things change gameplay-wise, Fire Emblem is in danger of leaving the Game Boy unfinished. I keep going back and forth on how I feel about it. I love the animation, and the Advance Wars-style of gameplay, but dislike the save system. I enjoy the "weapon triangle" structure, but never really liked wizards and knights.

I also can't shake the feeling that I'm playing Progress Quest with nicer graphics. Hell, I AM playing Progress Quest. My Half Orc Tongueblade Ibonish is doing pretty well for himself, considering the realm I'm in.

I think I'll get another...

Capsule toys are making a presence in the United States. I see them at the local video store, and at Ozone in downtown Boston. When I went to visit my sister in Tokyo, the place was lousy with capsule toy machines, and I wound up getting an incomplete set of Evangelion toys and some super deformed Mazinger robots, which now collect dust on the "robot shelf".

They're still hard to come by. Tokyo Kid is nearby, and NCS imports a decent amount, but I can't seem to find a definitive source.

I'll get right to the point. I want these:

I don't understand why I'm such a sucker for this sort of thing, but for the few hours I played Shenmue, the most interesting thing I could find to pass the time were the capsule toy machines near the arcade and in the loading dock.

It's "phoneuographic"

Yesterday, the National Institute on Media and the Family, following it's 8th Annual Mediawise Video Game Report Card, proposed the integration of the term "killographic" into our vocabulary. I consulted Merriam-Webster and this sweet Greek Lexicon, and found what I think might be a more appropriate new word - phoneuographic! See, it's based on the Greek word "foneu" which means "kill" or "murder", just like the etymology of "pornographic" which is based on "porne", or prostitute.

When discussing important content choices for your children with your local EB sales associate, make sure to pepper your speech with my new word, so we can fully integrate phoneuographic (fon-yoo'-o-gra-fik) into the lexicon.

Speaking of murder, Rockstar Games is getting all the free advertising it wants these days (which may be the reason Manhunt has recieved a more "grass roots"-style marketing campaign). After being name dropped in multiple places, such as this piece about Haitian citizens up in arms over the phrase "Kill all the Haitians" appearing too often in GTA: Vice City and this $246 million lawsuit against Rockstar and Take Two Interactive, they probably realized there was little need to promote Manhunt before the holidays, when the mainstream news media will do it for you.

Take Two, however, has taken some of the Haitian community and New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg's complaints to heart and will be changing the content in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. This won't be the first time a publisher has altered the content or release date of a game based on purported objectionable content, but this is probably the most high-profile instance. Others include:

Kakuto Chojin (Xbox) - Pulled from store shelves only a few months after it's release, Kakuto Chojin featured a number of potentially offensive religious references. Some people may have seen this as a marketing ploy on Microsoft's part in order to clear out stock, as the game was poorly received, but you can still get a copy of the game on eBay for less than $10.

Mike Tyson's Punch Out!! (NES) - Following Mike's rape conviction, Nintendo disassociated the boxer from the game, re-releasing it as Punch Out!! Featuring Mr. Dream.

Propeller Arena (Dreamcast) - This AM2 online shooter was doubly cursed, shelved due to the Dreamcast's death and the terrorist attacks occuring on September 11, 2001. A more in depth look is now available at The Next Level.

Thrill Kill (PSX) - The cancellation and lock up of Paradox Development's four player fighting game got a lot of boys in a tizzy. Supposedly, the gameplay was above average, built on a solid engine, but the content was just too much for Electronic Arts to deal with. After acquiring Virgin Interactive's assets, EA quickly put Thrill Kill on hold, then announced it would not sell the license to another company, citing quasi-moral reasons. In a more offensive move, EA slotted in members of the Wu Tang Clan into the games engine, then shoveled out Wu Tang: Shaolin Style.

I'm sure there are more, but these are the first four that come to mind. Please contact me if you know of any others.

X-Mas

I think I want an X-Arcade joystick for Christmas. I can't play Shinobi very well on my keyboard. :(

Oh yeah! I also need a new memory card.

Taito Excited About Future $27.2 Million Loss

Space Invaders game set for new U.S. invasion, reports CNN.

Taito and Namco will be selling new arcade cabinets with Space Invaders, unchanged from 1978, for about $2772. This seems a little strange based upon the fact that the current highest bid on eBay for any Space Invaders upright or cocktail machine is below $400, and that anyone interested in recreating the arcade experience has already purchased the 25th Anniversary Bundle for PS2.

GLOCS - Gorgeous Ladies of Counter-Strike

Attention ladies: If you plan on being in the Las Vegas area between January 8th and January 11th, you may want to take part in the Windows XP Female Pro Gaming Quake 3 Competition or the Windows XP Female Counter Strike Team Event run by Cyber X Games.

Not only will cash and prizes be awarded, but you can virtually guarantee yourself a starring role in multiple Counter-Strike players' masturbation fantasies.

Nice Suppaiku!!!

America's network for men will be showing the first annual Video Game Awards tonight, promising appearances by an "A-list of celebrity gamers", which actually turns out to be a B-list of regular celebrities. Gaming Age has already published the list of winners, which isn't very impressive at all. And, contributor Tim Lewinson rants about the injustices and lost opportunities of the show. I agree with him. The list of winners is suspect (Enter the Matrix wins over Knights of the Old Republic?), but so were the nominees.

However, let's keep this awards ceremony in context. The Spike TV schedule consists mainly of Baywatch, Blind Date, Miami Vice, A-Team, and professional wrestling. This is not intended to be a program for readers of Gaming Age, and is more on par, in terms of validity, with other awards programs like the People's Choice Awards or the American Music Awards. Those looking for something more respectable will probably check out the Academy of Interactive Arts and Sciences, the major online and print publications end-of-year awards, or maybe even the Japanese Computer Entertainment Suppliers' Association.

Still, Spike TV's choice of creative direction for shows how mass market and out of touch the awards ceremony is, exhuming the sights and sounds of Space Invaders. The only shred of credibility Spike TV can claim is it's association with the American Museum of the Moving Image.

Dead Horsequest

If you haven't had your time to shine/whine about video game addiction, you have a new platform: The Oprah Winfrey Show!

1UP 1UP 1UP 1UP 1UP 1UP

Super Mario Bros. 3 really only has about 11 minutes and 2 seconds worth of play time, which seems like a huge ripoff.

Thanks to Scott.

UPDATE: Some mirrors - 1 2 3 4