Geek on Stun

More Sonic The Hedgehog!

Sega of Japan has announced THREE new Sonic the Hedgehog games! First screens!! Try to imagine that we're genuinely enthusiastic about this, even though we haven't enjoyed a Sonic the Hedgehog game since 1992!!

Haha... wait. What? That's just a common billiards game with Sonic clip art jammed into the corner and shitty cellphone graphics. Who'd want that? Maybe this other one...

Oops! We must've posted the wrong GIF. That's a cards game. WAIT! THAT *IS* SONIC! AND TAILS AND SHADOW. We're so foiled right now. So what's this last one, then?

MOTHERFUCKERS.

We can only imagine the poor Java programmer who was elated to be hired at Sega, then told "You're going to work on a Sonic the Hedgehog title!", and is now faced with the crushing reality of the Japanese games market. In between coding simple parlor games, he must be desperately trying to remember his ideas for the proper Space Harrier sequel he's dreamed of. He's also wishing for a time machine and a shotgun so that he may murder his past self at his second-round of Sega interviews. Put this man out of his misery! Get him to work on a non-shitty Golden Axe game, PLEASE!

Posted by geek