Geek on Stun: Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan! Shut Up!

August 15, 2005

Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan! Shut Up!

O-U-E-N-DA-N! What's the BEST thing about Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan? It's so fucking good that it will put an end to internet editorializing about how video games need this or that and need more content for this or that demographic.

Here are 8 reasons why people can stop journalizing because of the BEST NINTENDO DS GAME YET.

Girls will like it. It's got a horse! And romance!
It's not trying to be the movies. The movies can go to hell. Because of the fucking movies, we get raindrops on the "camera". Because of the movies, we get "depth of field". Because of the movies we get a shit ton of GARBAGE from EA, motion capture this, photorealistic that, and all sorts of other bullshit. Fuck the movies!!! Aaaahhh!! It's a video game! Let it be a video game!
Ouendan is funny. When the giant salary man fights the colossal mouse and the mouse hands him his business card and the salary man has his tie tied around his head and he's frantically looking for his own business card and then realizes that the mouse is trying to trick him, well WE JUST LOSE IT.
Ouendan is sad. When you have to help the handsome ghost start his motorcycle to let his girlfriend know that he's still in love with her from the spirit world and the sweet song is playing and he spills the coffee and the coffee makes a heart and and and... well WE JUST LOSE IT. *SOB*
Ouendan is SOME FEELING we can't identify. Intense emotion or something. SOMETHING. Every time someone feels passionately about something in the game and the earth trembles, flames roar and they're possessed by the spirit of SOMETHING UNEXPLAINED we feel SOMETHING TOO. Emotion in games has BEEN DONE, so shut up Web journalists about this point.
It's innovative. Interactive manga rhythmic dexterity touch screen benevolent cheerleading fun! It will never come to America, because America hates innovation. See? PROOF. QED.
It's by iNiS and they made Gitaroo Man. The won't bore you with keynote speeches where they talk about their Ferraris or how they HATE parallel processing! They'll just shut up and make good games!
It's art. Are video games art? SHUT UP, YES. But are video games art?! FUCK YOU. OUENDAN!!!!!

Hope that makes sense. We're off to read about how video game music is going mainstream because some classically trained musicians have been economically humiliated into playing the Tomb Raider soundtrack for a bunch of nerds.

Posted by geek

The Japanese we know is limited to ordering up to nine bottles of beer politely.

We also know how to tell you where Shibuya Avenue is by indicating "here" or "over there".

The story of Ouendan is simple to understand without knowing Japanese. Don't let that stop you from buying it RIGHT NOW.

By Geek

Sounds good, but before I go and order it off lik sang, 2 questions :

1. is it as hard as Gitaroo Man? I don't think I can cope with that kind of thing again, I'm getting old and want to play something easy.

2. Is it going to cause my thumbs sever physical damage like Gitarooman did by making me play it solidly for hour upon grueling hour?

By tom

1. It is about as hard as Gitaroo Man, but nowhere near as fast. We're stuck on the last stage, after playing through the song about 25 times.

2. No thumb damage, just CLAW HAND!!! It's easy on the body really.

GET IT.

Hallelujah! Preach on!

Why can't all game reviews be this straightforward?

I'll let you know when I start caring if EA has included digitally-rendered farts from the coach on the field after he eats chili in the new "eat a good meal - sponsored by McDonalds" mini-game.

Or if I can now see the sparkle of a million different pinpoint light sources in the shiny eyeball of the digitally-rendered million-polygon monster that always pops up in the same place at the same time with the same actions and requires a thousand-dollar video card that hasn't even been invented yet to properly render.

Until then, bring on the originality.

By Chris

Brilliant post indeed. Can't agree more.

I dunno if I'd say "Best DS Game" as Nanostray has me wrapped tightly around it's little finger, but it's DAMN CLOSE!

And besides, I'm FUCKING SICK OF BEMANI! It's great to see a nice non-Bemani rythm game again after all these years! ;_; (rest in peace, Bust a Groove...)

By GEL

myself and two friends imported this, and it is absolutely fantastic. co-opping and vs modes are heaps of fun! keep at 'ready steady go' (the last song) by L'arc en Ciel - i'm not into the anime, but it's the opening titles for Full Metal Alchemist for those who didn't know (or are fond of useless trivia) - it's beatable. just wait until you unlock hard mode!!! (AREH?!?!? i need the help of Ouendan just to beat Ouendan!!!)

By vroenis

I love this game. Aboslutly the best game on DS right now ! Beat the first difficulty now trying to beat the 2nd. Its awesome ! If you have a DS buy this game. And if you dont have a DS your either extremely poor (which is perfectly okay) or you are a homosexual. Also, if you buy this game and you dont like it. Then you shouldnt ever play any video games unless they're strictly for homosexuals. Other than that, Have Fun !

By Chris Q

DAMN when i first got this game i was like WOAH , This game is AWESOME ! The only CON about this game is that there should be MORE songs. More Songs i say, Bring em in like a balloons in a carnival. Other than the fewer songs i hoped for. ITS GREAT. Actually, even with only 15 or so songs, Its still the best game out there ! I cant wait for MarioKartDs online. Oh yeah, one more thing. Dont Take the Pills, They're Not Vitamins.

By DS FAN