Geek on Stun

Oy Vey Uwe

Everyone hates Uwe Boll EXCEPT US. We absolutely love Hollywood's delusional pariah.

Uwe's back in the "news" (read: video game Web sites, message boards, blog comments) as he may be directing a film based on the PC shooter series Postal. If you don't know Boll's work, he's notable for being German and making video game-cum-cinema trash House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark. His current project, Bloodrayne, will be shat into theatres... oh, eventually, we suppose. Who cares really?

Why do we like Uwe so much? Because he brings out the best in internet dummies who get e-angry about his specialty: turning brain-dead games into brain-dead movies. That's good comedy. These folks are getting upset over a potential film based on Postal, a license not even Uwe could possibly dumb down.

Wait, you're pissy about the integrity of Bloodrayne? Shut the fuck up. The game should offend you more than the big screen adaptation.

Take your thinking caps off.

Look, we adored Sega's House of the Dead but Uwe's movie take was quite on par IQ-wise. While we enjoyed shooting zombies and demon frogs, we weren't remotely bothered by the celluloid abortion Boll performed. Some video games are just plain dumb. We can admit that.

All Uwe's doing is taking low brow content and reworking it quite appropriately, so whining about it only makes you look the fool. When Uwe Boll starts tackling something with a bit more literary meat, we'll be concerned. But we won't be freaking the fuck out when Far Cry: The Movie stains screens in 2006.

We just don't care! Neither should you.