January 13, 2005

Portal Runner Rage Redux

If, for some strange reason, you missed it on those other sites (Kotaku and Slashdot), you really owe it to yourself to read this recently exhumed pissy rant from William ("Trip") M. Hawkins III to then-Gamepro editor John Rousseau. This eye-roller is not only filled with some stunning paranoid arguments and hilarious rationalizations from Trip, but just goes to show how clearly out of touch the then-president was with public gaming tastes and the shipped quality of the company's games. It's also about eight times as long as the review it's based on.

Here are some of the highlights:

This sort of thing is really tragic because your online review excerpt was the first public review of Portal Runner, and it set the tone by telling the hardcore what to think.

Oh fuck off, already. This is Gamepro, not Pitchfork for Christ's sake. You're implying that these guys were tastemakers?

I furthermore propose as a solution the idea that you assign a journalist during the preview stage of a game, and provide professional follow thru by having that same journalist write the review.

Even though Trip derides the editorial staff for not being former game developers, he attempts to instruct Gamepro on how to define their editorial process.

I can understand that some of them would reject [Portal Runner] the same way some adults reject Shrek or Beethoven. But personally, I think that really means there is something wrong with a man like that, not with Portal Runner.

Again, fuck off. We personally reject Shrek with every fiber of our being (we never saw Beethoven).

I truly find it astonishing that magazines like yours seem willing to slit your own throats on occasions like this.


...and

I should mention in passing that 3DO has been one of your largest advertisers. Effective immediately, we are going to have to cut that back.

...and

You are so much better off if you do not bite the hand that feeds you. And do not patronize me by telling me the reader is the customer--your real customer is ... game industry advertisers.

These are our most favorite empty threats ever!

So many great memories here. The Portal Runner bits of our brain haven't fired in ages! We really miss Trip.

Posted by geek